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CONFESSION #0401 — COMMISSION CATASTROPHE
Friday, March 27, 2026
Look, I did the math wrong on the commission split. Not like a little wrong. I told the buyer's agent we were offering 2.5% when the listing agreement said 2.0%. My fault entirely. I fat-fingered the MLS entry and never caught it.
Sale closes. $1.2 million. The other agent's check comes out $6,000 higher than it should be, which means mine comes out $6,000 lower, and I don't notice until I'm reconciling my quarterly taxes three months later.
Called my broker. Called the other agent. Called the title company. Everyone agrees it was my mistake. Everyone agrees I'm owed nothing.
Six thousand dollars because I typed a 5 instead of a 0 and never proofread the listing.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF NUMERICAL NEGLIGENCE IN THE FIRST DEGREE WITH AGGRAVATED FAILURE TO PROOFREAD
The Court is PHYSICALLY ILL at the notion that a licensed professional cannot distinguish between a FIVE and a ZERO, two digits that look NOTHING alike and have been enemies since the dawn of mathematics. This is not a typo, this is a BETRAYAL of the entire numeric system, and frankly Reginald takes it personally because he once lost a beloved ficus plant in a similar clerical mishap that he is NOT prepared to discuss further at this time. You gave away SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS because you could not be bothered to glance at a screen for THREE SECONDS, and now you come before this Court seeking what, exactly, SYMPATHY? The precedent established in Calculator v. Human Hubris, 2019 is CLEAR: those who cannot proofread shall be proofread BY LIFE ITSELF. The other agent is probably buying a very nice sectional sofa with YOUR money right now, and The Court hopes you think about that sectional every single night. ORDER IN THE COURT, Order please stop bumping into the witness stand, this ruling is FINAL and Reginald must now go lie down because this level of incompetence has triggered his sciatica.
Fat Finger Fiasco
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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