The Court has reviewed this confession and must pause to collect itself because THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT REGINALD HAS BEEN WARNING ABOUT SINCE 2019. These buyers cried in the kitchen, they MEASURED THE ROOMS, they presumably whispered sweet nothings to the breakfast nook, and then they submitted an offer that can only be described as a financial hate crime. Eighty-five thousand dollars below asking is not a negotiation, it is a DECLARATION OF WAR against the very concept of comparable sales, and The Court cites the landmark decision of In re: That Couple Who Loved The Crown Molding But Offered Sixty Percent, 2022, in which this bench ruled that emotional manipulation paired with lowball offers constitutes First-Degree Buyer Fraud With Romantic Aggravating Factors. The love letter, THE LOVE LETTER, as if prose could bridge a sixty-five thousand dollar gap, as if feelings have ever once closed escrow, as if my ex-wife's feelings about our timeshare meant ANYTHING when the HOA came calling. And then, THE AUDACITY, to purchase another property for 390 thousand dollars three weeks later, revealing that they possessed the funds all along and simply wanted to see if your seller would roll over like a golden retriever presented with a belly rub. The Court finds the agent blameless but spiritually wounded, sentences these buyers to eternal Zillow purgatory, and must now adjourn because Order the Roomba has detected crumbs in the deliberation chamber and Reginald will not be made to shout over vacuuming.