The Court has reviewed this testimony and must now lie down on the floor of this courtroom for several minutes. A QUARTER INCH. One quarter of one inch of grass — grass that was simply doing what grass does, which is GROW — and an entire real estate transaction was held hostage by a man with a ruler at dawn like some kind of suburban Stasi agent. Let the record show that Reginald once received a citation from his own HOA for having a "non-approved shade of beige" on his mailbox post, and he has not emotionally recovered. This Court finds you guilty not of causing this chaos, but of failing to528 the obvious solution: locating the HOA compliance officer's home address and standing on THEIR lawn with a ruler at 7 AM until they understood the GRAVITY of their bureaucratic OBSTRUCTION. The buyer lost $4,200 because someone's grass had the AUDACITY to photosynthesize a quarter inch beyond the arbitrary threshold set by people whose only joy in life is measuring things. I am placing a formal judicial curse on that HOA board, effective immediately, and I am recommending the grass in question be declared a protected witness. The Roomba is upset. Reginald must adjourn to scream into a throw pillow.