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CONFESSION #0451 — POST-CLOSE CATASTROPHE
Wednesday, April 15, 2026
The other agent emailed at 9pm. Three days after close. Three days. And the subject line is just "Issue at property" which, you know, that's never good. The buyers found water in the basement. Not like a puddle. Standing water. Maybe two inches across the whole back half of the room. They're sending me pictures like I can do something about it, like I have a magic wand, like the transaction didn't already record. Here's the thing though. Here's what kills me. We had the inspection. The inspector went down there. I was there. The basement was dry. The seller's disclosure said no water issues, no flooding, nothing. And the seller's agent is now telling me oh well there was that one time after the big storm in 2019 but they thought the grading fixed it. The grading did not fix it. My buyers are asking if they can sue. They're asking if I knew. They want to know why I didn't tell them about the 2019 thing that I literally just found out about from this email that I'm reading at 9pm on a Tuesday while my pasta is getting cold. The remediation estimate came back at twelve thousand dollars. Twelve. And the sellers already bought their new place in Arizona or wherever they went. Good luck serving papers across state lines for a basement. My buyers keep texting me. Every day now. Like I'm somehow still on the clock. Like closing didn't happen. Like any of this is still my problem. It is still my problem.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF INVOLUNTARY PASTA ABANDONMENT AND BEING ACCESSORILY VICTIMIZED BY ARIZONA-BOUND WATER CRIMINALS
The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself in the unusual position of experiencing something Reginald rarely permits: empathy. You had a dry basement at inspection. You had a disclosure that said nothing. You had a seller who apparently believed that "grading" is some kind of basement baptism that permanently cleanses all water sins, and a listing agent who waited until AFTER CLOSE to mention the 2019 Incident like it was a fun piece of trivia rather than MATERIAL INFORMATION THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISCLOSED. This Court once ruled against a man for failing to disclose that his dishwasher made a sound he described as "judgmental" so I am INTIMATELY familiar with disclosure failures, and what happened here was not YOUR disclosure failure. Your buyers are texting you daily as though you personally installed a storm drain that routes directly into their foundation. You are not a hydrologist. You are not a time traveler. You are not even still their agent because THE TRANSACTION CLOSED, which is a legal concept I assume everyone understands except apparently your clients who seem to believe the agent-client relationship is a blood oath that transcends recording dates. The real criminals are in Arizona now, probably enjoying adequate drainage and zero accountability, and The Court suggests your buyers redirect their energy toward a real estate attorney licensed in multiple jurisdictions rather than toward you, a person whose only crime was trusting an inspection and wanting to eat dinner. Case dismissed with prejudice toward the seller's agent who should be ashamed. Reginald must go now because Order just got stuck under the credenza again.
SCANDAL RATING: 3.2/10 Wrongfully Soggy

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