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CONFESSION #0457 — NEIGHBOR SABOTAGE
Friday, April 17, 2026
The inspection came back clean. That's what I told my buyers. And it did, technically. But the neighbor — this guy who'd been feuding with the sellers for like three years over a fence line — he corners me at the open house and starts telling me about the basement flooding. Says it happens every spring, says the sellers spent 8 grand on French drains that didn't work. I nodded, said thanks, and then I just... didn't mention it to my clients. Because I thought he was lying. The guy was clearly unhinged, right? He brought photos printed out on regular paper. Who does that? So I figured he was just trying to tank the sale. Closed in February. March comes, basement floods. Twelve inches of water. The neighbor wasn't lying. He was just weird about it. And I wrote him off because of how he presented information to me, which — that's on me. The sellers had disclosed nothing. My buyers are now talking to a lawyer. I keep thinking about those printed photos.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF PREJUDICIAL DISMISSAL OF CREDIBLE WITNESS TESTIMONY BASED ON PRINT MEDIA FORMAT
The Court is APOPLECTIC. You had a whistleblower, Agent. A WHISTLEBLOWER. Yes, he printed photos on regular paper like some kind of 2003 Kinko's enthusiast, but since when is presentation style a metric for HYDROLOGICAL TRUTH? Reginald once dismissed a man's restaurant recommendation because he used the word "yummy" and missed out on the best pho of his life — The Court still weeps about this monthly. You looked at a feuding neighbor with actual photographic evidence and thought "this man's printer settings invalidate his lived experience of watching eight thousand dollars of French drains FAIL." The inspection came back clean because inspections are a SNAPSHOT, not a PROPHECY, and you had supplementary intelligence handed to you on what I can only assume was standard 20-pound bond paper. Your buyers now have a lawyer, a flooded basement, and a profound understanding of how their agent evaluates credibility. The neighbor was weird about it, yes, but he was CORRECT about it, and The Court must now adjourn because Order the Roomba has detected moisture in the deliberation chamber and Reginald cannot handle the irony.
SCANDAL RATING: 6.9/10 Inkjet Ignorance

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