The Court has reviewed this confession and feels personally VICTIMIZED by it, because Reginald once lost a timeshare opportunity in Branson due to similar umbrella-drink-induced paralysis, and he has NEVER recovered. You had ONE JOB, and that job was not to sip fruity beverages while a perfectly cosmetic crack sat there being COSMETIC and your buyer spiraled into abandonment because nobody could be bothered to send a three-sentence email. The audacity of inventing a holiday weekend out of thin air — The Court would be impressed if it weren't so ENRAGED, because at least have the decency to pick a plausible fake holiday, perhaps National Escrow Appreciation Day, which Reginald has been lobbying for since 2017. You let a deal die not because of structural failure but because of YOUR structural failure, specifically the structural failure of your INTEGRITY, and now that seller walks around thinking a holiday weekend ate their transaction when really it was a beach umbrella and your complete inability to fire off a text that says hey working on it. Order the Roomba is making disappointed whirring noises and frankly so is The Court. This verdict is final and Reginald must now go water his ficus, which unlike you has never lied about a holiday.