The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the audacity of everyone involved except the chickens, who frankly conducted themselves with more professionalism than any human in this transaction. Let Reginald be absolutely clear: a buyer who compliments livestock as "cute" on showing number two does NOT get to claim fowl-based duress twelve days before closing, and this Court cites the landmark decision of Henderson v. Six Reasonably Quiet Hens, 2019, in which it was established that "if you coo at it, you cannot sue over it." As for the seller and her phantom Portland daughter, The Court has seen this exact delusion approximately four hundred times, and it is ALWAYS a daughter, it is ALWAYS Portland, and she is NEVER coming back because she has a pottery collective and a situationship with someone named River and she does not want to live in her mother's split-level, YOUR HONOR HAS SEEN THINGS. Nine months of your life, agent, NINE MONTHS, for forty-two hundred dollars, which after taxes and therapy barely covers the emotional labor of explaining earnest money to someone who responds with "I'll pray about it" and then goes INTO HIDING. The chickens were not even that loud and yet somehow they are the only parties in this matter who understood commitment. Reginald must now go lie down because this case has awakened memories of a listing involving a woman, her estranged son in Austin, and a koi pond, and The Court is not prepared to revisit that trauma today.