Advertisement
CONFESSION #0501 — STAGING DISASTER
Monday, May 4, 2026
The buyers walked after the inspection. Not because of the inspection, because of the staging. The stager brought in this enormous sectional, I mean really beautiful piece, probably twelve thousand dollars, and it completely hid the water damage on the baseboard behind it. Which I didn't know about. Which the sellers definitely knew about. So the buyers are doing their walkthrough with the inspector, he moves a cushion to check an outlet, and there's this black mold creeping up the wall like it's been there for years. Because it has been there for years. The sellers acted shocked. Actually said the words "we had no idea" while standing in their own house. The buyers' agent called me a liar in the driveway, not yelling, just calm, which was worse. I had to explain to my broker why we lost a four hundred thousand dollar sale over furniture placement. The stager wants her sectional back.
Advertisement
Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF ACCESSORY TO UPHOLSTERY-BASED EVIDENCE TAMPERING AND NEGLIGENT SOFA OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE
The Court has reviewed this confession with the same disappointment Reginald feels when discovering a listing photo was taken with a wide-angle lens. You claim ignorance of the mold, and yet you stood in that living room admiring a twelve thousand dollar sectional without once asking yourself WHY such magnificence was pressed against a baseboard like it was hiding something. That sectional was not staging, it was a CRIME SCENE COVER-UP, and you were its unwitting accomplice, which is just a fancy way of saying you failed to be witting when witting was REQUIRED. The Court once purchased a decorative throw pillow that turned out to be concealing a cigarette burn on a model home sofa, and I will never emotionally recover from that betrayal, so do not expect sympathy here. The sellers who said "we had no idea" in their own home should be tried separately for perjury of the most theatrical variety, but YOU are the one who let a couch do reconnaissance on your behalf. The buyers' agent was calm in that driveway because calm is what happens when disappointment becomes permanent. The stager can retrieve her sectional, but The Court hereby orders it tagged as Exhibit A in perpetuity, and Reginald must now go lie down.
SCANDAL RATING: 5.9/10 Sectional Obstruction

Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.

Submit Anonymously → Subscribe to the Newsletter
Advertisement

← Back to the Full Docket