The Court has reviewed this confession and must now lie down, metaphorically speaking, because the sheer AUDACITY of everyone involved has given Reginald heart palpitations. Let us be clear about what happened here: a grown man with a flashlight and too much free time on a Sunday decided to cosplay as a home inspector, discovered what this Court will generously call "spooky wood," and proceeded to detonate a multi-state real estate transaction over PRINCIPLE, a word that has never once paid for plane tickets to Tampa. The sellers, bless their stubborn hearts, chose to die on a two-thousand-dollar hill when they had FLORIDA DREAMS on the line, which reminds me of my own uncle who once refused to sell a 1987 Buick for eight hundred dollars because the buyer "seemed smug" and then the transmission fell out in a Wendy's parking lot. You, Agent, stand accused of being the only reasonable person in a room full of people who desperately needed a responsible adult, and yet somehow YOU are the one fielding passive-aggressive Zillow links from a man whose entire personality is "I found a problem." Per the landmark decision in Crawlspace Husband v. Everyone's Sanity (2019), this Court finds that soft wood is a metaphor for the human condition and that the husband emailing you listings is a form of psychological warfare banned under the Geneva Convention. The bailiff will now escort everyone to Tampa, where they will APOLOGIZE TO EACH OTHER IN THE HUMIDITY.