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CONFESSION #0558 — HOA HORROR
Sunday, May 24, 2026
The photos looked great. That was the whole problem. Seller wanted to list fast, I shot the backyard myself on a Tuesday morning, everything looked perfect. Green lawn, nice fence, little patio area. Sold in nine days, cash buyer, everyone's thrilled. Three weeks after closing the buyer calls me screaming. Turns out the HOA had cited the previous owner six times for the shed in the back corner. The shed I cropped out of every single photo because it looked kind of rough. The shed that apparently violates setback rules by four feet and has to come down. Twelve thousand dollars to demo and haul it, plus the accumulated fines the seller never disclosed, which were like another three grand. My broker asked me point blank if I knew about the violations. I said no. Which was true. But I knew something was off with that shed. I knew it and I made it disappear from the listing and I told myself that wasn't the same thing. Buyer's attorney sent a letter last week.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF PREMEDITATED SHED CONCEALMENT AND WILLFUL PHOTOGRAPHIC OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE
The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the audacity on display. You cropped out a shed, and now you sit here parsing ELizabethan distinctions between "knowing" and "knowing something was off" as if this Court was born in a BARN — which, incidentally, would at least have proper setbacks unlike your little violation shack. Let Reginald be perfectly clear: when a real estate professional sees a structure that looks "kind of rough" and responds by making it vanish from the visual record like some kind of discount David Copperfield, that is not marketing, that is MAGIC, and magic has no place in residential transactions. I once refused to purchase a perfectly adequate condo because the listing photos suspiciously never showed the laundry closet and I was RIGHT because that closet contained CARPET, which is a choice only made by people hiding something. The buyer's attorney sending a letter is the least of your cosmic concerns because somewhere in the universe a shed is waiting for you, and that shed will have YOUR name on the citation. This Court finds the defendant's camera work to be a weapon of mass deception and hereby orders the confession sealed in the permanent record under "Things That Make Reginald Need A Moment." The gavel has spoken and now so has my blood pressure medication alarm.
SCANDAL RATING: 6.3/10 Cropped With Intent

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