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CONFESSION #0564 — MARKET WHIPLASH
Tuesday, May 26, 2026
The HOA sent a letter. That's how this started.
March 3rd: Buyers fall in love with a townhouse. $485,000. Perfect for them.
March 5th: Offer submitted. Full ask.
March 6th: Seller counters at $492,000 because quote the market is heating up.
March 7th: Buyers agree. Everyone signs.
March 12th: Appraisal comes in at $461,000.
March 13th: Seller refuses to budge. Says cash buyers are circling.
March 14th: Buyers walk.
March 19th: Seller relists at $499,000.
April 8th: Price drops to $479,000.
April 22nd: Price drops to $459,000.
May 1st: Seller calls me. Asks if my buyers are still interested.
May 2nd: They bought something else three weeks ago. For $440,000.
The townhouse is still sitting there. I drive past it sometimes.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED SCHADENFREUDE IN THE FIRST DEGREE WITH PREMEDITATED DRIVE-BY GLOATING
The Court has reviewed this timeline and finds it to be a MASTERPIECE of karmic retribution that Reginald himself could not have scripted better. You watched this seller counter SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS above full asking price because quote the market is heating up unquote, and now that townhouse sits there like a Thanksgiving turkey nobody wanted, marked down FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS below where your buyers would have paid. And YOU DRIVE PAST IT SOMETIMES? The Court sees you, agent. The Court KNOWS that little smile you get when you slow down just slightly, maybe check if the lockbox is still there, perhaps whisper something unkind about the listing photos. This is not innocent behavior. This is VICTORY LAPPING disguised as commuting. I once drove past a property that rejected my offer for six months straight until the foundation cracked and honestly it was the happiest autumn of my life, so I understand the compulsion, but I WILL NOT EXCUSE IT. Your buyers are living their best $440,000 life while Seller McGreedy watches the seasons change through windows nobody wants to buy. The Court rules that you are guilty, satisfied, and almost certainly taking the long way home on purpose.
SCENIC ROUTE VINDICATION
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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