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CONFESSION #0571 — WRONG ADDRESS
Thursday, May 28, 2026
The buyer loved the house. Like really loved it, already talking about where the couch would go, measuring for curtains with her phone, the whole thing, and we're standing in the kitchen and she's asking about the countertops and I'm answering questions and it's going great until the actual owner walks in through the garage door holding groceries and just stops. And we all stop. And I look at my phone and realize I'm at 4412 not 4421 because the lockbox code worked (which it shouldn't have but apparently the neighbor uses the same brand and never changed the default) and the listing photos looked similar enough that I didn't question the slightly different backsplash. The owner was weirdly calm about it, calmer than my buyer who was now crying a little because she'd already mentally moved in, and I had to explain to my broker how I showed a house that wasn't for sale to a woman who wanted to make an offer on it. The actual listing at 4421 had water damage in the basement. She didn't love that one. I still drive past 4412 sometimes and the owner waves at me which feels like a threat honestly.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF INVOLUNTARY RESIDENTIAL TRESPASS WITH AGGRAVATED EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT AND RECKLESS DISREGARD FOR BASIC NUMERACY
The Court has witnessed many failures in its distinguished career, including the time Reginald accidentally presided over a zoning hearing in the wrong county for six hours, but THIS, this is a masterwork of professional incompetence that belongs in a museum. You showed a house that was NOT FOR SALE to a woman who was MEASURING FOR CURTAINS, and the only reason you weren't arrested is because the actual homeowner apparently possesses the supernatural patience of a golden retriever who has achieved enlightenment. The lockbox code worked because you WISHED it to work, and wishing is NOT due diligence, it is what children do before birthday candles, and The Court does not recognize birthday candle jurisprudence in this chamber. Your buyer was crying, CRYING, over a kitchen she could never have, and meanwhile the house she COULD buy had basement water damage which frankly sounds like the universe trying to teach you a lesson about the alphabet and how the numbers four-one-two and four-two-one are DIFFERENT NUMBERS arranged in a DIFFERENT ORDER. The fact that the homeowner waves at you is absolutely a threat and you should interpret it as such because that wave says I KNOW WHERE YOU WORK and honestly Reginald respects that energy. Order the Roomba agrees and has just bumped into my gavel rack in what I can only interpret as a verdict of profound disappointment.
SCANDAL RATING: 5.2/10 Accidental Breaking And Touring

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