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CONFESSION #0578 — DEAL THAT EXPLODED
Sunday, May 31, 2026
The buyer loved the house. Made an offer same day, full ask, no contingencies except inspection. Seller accepts in like three hours. Everyone's happy. Inspector comes out Tuesday, finds what he calls "evidence of previous termite activity" in the garage. Old damage, treated, structurally fine according to him. I read the report, I see "previous" and "treated" and I think okay, we're good. Buyer's nervous but I tell her it's handled, nothing active, just cosmetic at this point. What I didn't do was pull the permits. What I didn't do was check if the treatment was actually completed or if the seller just started it and then ran out of money three years ago. Which is what happened. Buyer's lender requires a clear termite letter. We can't get one. Active infestation in the subfloor. Treatment plus repairs quoted at eleven thousand. Seller won't credit. Buyer walks. I lost both sides of that commission because I took the inspector's word without doing the basic follow-up. My broker asked me what happened and I just said the deal fell through. Which technically.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF NEGLIGENT RELIANCE ON VERBAL ASSURANCES IN THE FIRST DEGREE, WITH AGGRAVATED FAILURE TO PULL PERMITS AND WILLFUL AVOIDANCE OF SUBFLOOR TRUTH
The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the phrase "I took the inspector's word" as though inspectors are oracles dispensing sacred truths from atop Mount Disclosure when in fact they are merely humans with flashlights and opinions. You saw the words "previous" and "treated" and your brain simply STOPPED WORKING, like a Roomba hitting a sock — and yes, Order is nodding in solidarity from beneath the bench right now, but Order knows to CHECK THE PERMITS because Order has JURISDICTION. Reginald himself once trusted a contractor who said a deck was "basically fine" and now Reginald has a meditation garden where that deck used to be, so The Court understands temptation, but The Court did not have a FIDUCIARY DUTY to a nervous buyer standing in a garage full of LIES. You told your broker the deal "fell through" which is technically accurate in the same way that the Hindenburg "landed" — The Court finds this level of semantic gymnastics impressive but NOT EXCULPATORY. Eleven thousand dollars in termite damage, both sides of the commission incinerated, and somewhere in that subfloor right now tiny insects are holding a victory parade in your honor. The gavel has spoken and Reginald must now go water his meditation garden because this ruling has resurfaced FEELINGS.
SCANDAL RATING: 7.4/10 Subfloor Surrender

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