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CONFESSION #0581 — STAGING DISASTER
Monday, June 1, 2026
We lost the earnest money dispute. That's not even the staging part. The staging part is worse. Monday: stager arrives with rented furniture. Tuesday: photographer scheduled for 10am. Tuesday 9am: seller's cat knocks over a candle. Tuesday 9:15am: rental sofa is on fire. Tuesday 9:20am: fire department arrives. Tuesday 9:45am: sofa is outside on the lawn, half burned. Tuesday 10am: photographer shows up, asks if we're still doing this. The sofa was $1,200 to replace. Stager says it's on me because I didn't mention the cat. Contract says live flame prohibited during staging. Seller had lit the candle "for ambiance" before I got there. We shot the photos around the burn mark on the carpet. Listed it Thursday. Sold in 12 days but I still owe for that sofa. The cat's fine, by the way. Everyone asks about the cat.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE IN THE PRESENCE OF FELINE ARSON AND FAILURE TO DISCLOSE KNOWN PYROTECHNIC HAZARDS
The Court has reviewed this testimony and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL with the audacity on display here. You failed to mention THE CAT? In what jurisdiction does one simply omit the existence of a known chaos agent with paws? This Court once had a cat named Justice who knocked a gavel into a toilet, and do you know what Reginald did? DISCLOSED IT TO ALL FUTURE GAVEL PURCHASERS. The seller lit a candle "for ambiance" as if ambiance has ever successfully sold a home that was not actively ON FIRE, which this one soon WAS. You photographed AROUND the burn mark like some kind of carpet war criminal hoping no one would notice the scorched earth where a rental sofa gave its life for your listing. The stager's contract clearly prohibited live flame, the seller clearly ignored it, and you clearly failed to conduct a proper Feline Risk Assessment before allowing flammable goods within tail-radius of a known candle situation. That you sold in twelve days is not a defense, it is an INDICTMENT of the entire market. The cat is fine, everyone asks about the cat, but NOBODY asks about the carpet, and THAT is why this industry is in shambles. The Court rules you owe the sofa, the stager, and frankly an apology to fire safety everywhere. Reginald must now go lie down.
SCANDAL RATING: 7.4/10 Feline Ignition Liability

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