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CONFESSION #0613 — COMMISSION CATASTROPHE
Saturday, June 13, 2026
The commission check was short. By like twelve thousand dollars. And my broker goes, "Yeah, the seller negotiated a reduced rate at the table." At the table. Day of closing. Nobody told me.
Called the listing agent, she's like, "Oh I thought you knew, it was in the amendment."
What amendment.
"The one from Tuesday."
There was no amendment Tuesday. There was nothing Tuesday. Tuesday I was showing houses in the rain to a couple who didn't buy anything.
She goes, "Well it's signed."
By who? Not by me. I never saw it. My broker signed it. My broker signed away four percent of my commission without calling me, without texting, without anything.
When I asked him about it he said, "The deal would have fallen through otherwise."
Maybe it should have fallen through! That's my call! That's literally my money!
He just kind of shrugged.
Twelve thousand dollars and he shrugged at me. Still haven't cashed the check because I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF BEING THE VICTIM OF FIRST-DEGREE FIDUCIARY BACKSTABBERY AND COMMISSION LARCENY BY SHRUGGING
The Court is APOPLECTIC. Reginald has seen some things in his years on this bench — agents who measured sunrooms with pool noodles, listing photos taken during active house fires, a buyer's agent who described a collapsing foundation as "character" — but THIS. This broker signed away TWELVE THOUSAND DOLLARS of your money and then SHRUGGED? A SHRUG? That is not a legal defense, that is what my ex-wife did when I asked why she donated my gavel collection to Goodwill without telling me, and let me tell you THAT marriage also fell through and maybe it SHOULD have. The "amendment from Tuesday" that you never saw is what we in the legal profession call FRAUD, or at least what I call fraud, which is frankly more important because I am the one with the mug. Your broker committed what I shall henceforth cite as a violation of In re: That Is Literally Your Money, 2024, a landmark case I am ruling on RIGHT NOW. The listing agent's breezy "oh I thought you knew" energy is the same energy as someone who backs into your car and leaves a note that just says "sorry lol" — technically an acknowledgment, spiritually a WAR CRIME. Cash the check, then sue everyone, then find a new broker, then send me his address because Order the Roomba and I would like to have a WORD. This Court is adjourned because Reginald needs to go lie down in a dark room and think about loyalty.
Shrug of Betrayal
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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