Advertisement
CONFESSION #0619 — WRONG ADDRESS
Monday, June 15, 2026
The final walkthrough was routine. Buyers loved the place, we're doing the little dance where everyone pretends to check the outlets one more time. Wife says "I can't believe we finally got 412 Maple." And I just said "Mmhmm" because I'm already thinking about the closing paperwork.
Except the husband goes "Wait, 412? I thought it was 414."
And she goes "No, 412. That's what the listing said."
He pulls out his phone. Shows her. 414 Maple Court.
We were standing in 412 Maple Street.
Different house. Different seller. Same neighborhood, same floor plan because the builder did like six of these in the 80s. They'd done three showings. They'd done the inspection. Nobody caught it because from the outside, these things are twins.
Seller of 412 was very confused when I called. Said "I'm not selling my house."
Had to start the whole process over. Buyers were out eight hundred bucks in inspection fees. They still bought 414 eventually but they never really talked to me the same after that.
Advertisement
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CARTOGRAPHIC MALPRACTICE AND AGGRAVATED STREET SUFFIX NEGLIGENCE RESULTING IN RESIDENTIAL IDENTITY THEFT
The Court is TREMBLING with a fury that transcends the merely professional and enters the realm of the DEEPLY PERSONAL. You wandered into the wrong house, Agent, and not in the fun way Reginald once did at a holiday party in 2017 — which was ENTIRELY the fault of inadequate exterior lighting and excessive eggnog, and I maintain to this day that the Hendersons overreacted. But YOU, you conducted THREE SHOWINGS in a home whose owner was presumably inside wondering why strangers kept commenting on their granite countertops. The Court cites the landmark precedent of MapQuest v. Basic Competence, 2004, wherein it was established that "Street" and "Court" are NOT INTERCHANGEABLE DESIGNATIONS, much like how "Judge" and "guy who just bought a gavel on Amazon" are supposedly different things according to the State Bar, which has REJECTED Reginald's applications FOURTEEN TIMES for reasons they refuse to articulate beyond "everything about this." Eight hundred dollars in inspection fees, Agent — that is roughly one hundred and sixty fancy coffees, or as The Court calculates it, three months of dignity those buyers will never recover. The Roomba has entered a verdict of SUSTAINED INCOMPETENCE and frankly, Order's judgment is final.
Wrong House Entirely
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
Advertisement