Advertisement
CONFESSION #0625 — OTHER AGENT WAS THE PROBLEM
Thursday, June 18, 2026
The seller changed her mind. Three days before closing, she wants to stay. Her agent calls me and says, quote, "She's having second thoughts about the memories."
My buyers have already given notice on their apartment. They have a moving truck booked.
I say we need to talk about the contract. Her agent says "Contracts are just paper, you know? People matter more than paper."
I said the earnest money matters. The inspection costs matter. The appraisal my buyers paid for matters.
She says "Can't your people just find another house?"
There's like 12 houses in their price range in this whole zip code. I told her that.
She goes "Well maybe they should expand their search area."
Then she asks if we can "keep this between us" and not involve brokers yet because she's "still working on" the seller.
Three days out. Moving truck booked.
I called my broker immediately. Her seller ended up closing because turns out contracts aren't just paper. But that agent still works the same area I do.
Advertisement
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CONTRACTUAL NIHILISM IN THE FIRST DEGREE WITH AGGRAVATED MEMORY HOARDING
The Court is APOPLECTIC. "Contracts are just paper"? PAPER? The Magna Carta was paper. The Declaration of Independence was paper. The receipt I keep from the 2019 Applebee's incident that PROVES I did not start that argument is PAPER, and it MATTERS. This opposing agent attempted to gaslight you into believing that a legally binding purchase agreement was merely a suggestion, a Post-it note of feelings, a VIBES DOCUMENT. "Can't your people just find another house" — oh BRILLIANT, why didn't they think of that, just materialize a home from the ether like some kind of residential wizard! Reginald once had a seller try to back out because Mercury was in retrograde and The Court held them in contempt of ASTRONOMY. You did exactly right by calling your broker immediately, because "keep this between us" is the mating call of someone about to commit fraud. The fact that this agent still works your area is a miscarriage of justice that haunts The Court nightly, right between my recurring dream about being cross-examined by a smart thermostat and the one where my gavel collection finally turns on me. ORDER IN THE COURT, and by Order I mean my Roomba, who has just bumped into the bench and rendered its own verdict: GUILTY.
Vibes Over Contracts
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
Advertisement