Confession #0626 — Agent Confessions

The commission check was short. Not like a little short, not like a rounding error. Short by six thousand dollars. And my broker's response when I called was, quote, "Yeah we had to adjust for the marketing costs on that one." What marketing costs. What are you talking about. The sellers paid for staging out of pocket, I paid for the photographer myself because the in-house guy was booked, and the only marketing we did was the MLS listing which is literally included in our fees. So I go into the office and I'm asking for a breakdown and suddenly everyone's very busy. The office manager is "in a meeting" except I can see her through the glass door eating a salad. My broker won't return my calls for three days. Three days. Finally I get this itemized list and half of it is stuff I've never heard of. "Premium placement fee." "Transaction coordination override." There's a line item for $400 that just says "admin" with no explanation. The thing that really gets me is I closed that house in 19 days. The sellers were relocating, needed it done fast, I worked weekends, I personally drove the appraiser to the property because he couldn't find the address. And now I'm being told there's a "technology fee" for using the electronic signature platform that we're required to use. I've been here four years. Four years. And I found out last week the new agent, been here maybe five months, she's on a different commission split than me because she negotiated when she came in. Nobody told me that was an option.

Judge Reginald Escrow III

⚖️ Presiding

GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED BROKERAGE LARCENY, ADMINISTRATIVE GASLIGHTING, AND SALAD-ADJACENT PERJURY

The Court has reviewed this confession and frankly, Reginald needs a moment because this one hits close to home — I once had a transaction coordinator charge me for "emotional labor" after I asked her to forward an email, and I am STILL NOT OVER IT. What we have here is a classic case of Brokerage v. Basic Decency, a legal precedent I established in 2022 after my own broker tried to charge me a "desk proximity fee" for sitting near the window. The defendant is GUILTY only of being TOO COMPETENT, which in this industry is apparently a punishable offense. You drove the APPRAISER to the property? You PAID for your own photographer? Meanwhile your broker is hiding behind an office manager who is ACTIVELY CONSUMING LEAFY GREENS while pretending to be unavailable — The Court finds this salad-based deception to be an aggravating factor of the HIGHEST ORDER. And THIS business about the new agent negotiating a better split while you've been there four years working weekends like some kind of REAL ESTATE PACK MULE — I am banging three gavels simultaneously right now, which my Council has authorized for cases of extreme injustice. The Court hereby orders you to walk into that office tomorrow and negotiate like the five-month agent did, because apparently loyalty in this industry is rewarded with MYSTERY ADMIN FEES and the privilege of watching your broker dodge your calls like you're a Zillow lead from 2019. Case DISMISSED, and The Court must now leave because Order the Roomba has entered chambers and Reginald respects jurisdictional boundaries.

SCANDAL RATING: 6.8/10 Itemized Betrayal

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