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CONFESSION #0643 — COMMISSION CATASTROPHE
Wednesday, June 24, 2026
The title search flagged something. Three days before closing on a place I'd been working for eight months, and the title company calls me like oh by the way there's a lien from 2019 for twelve thousand dollars that the seller apparently forgot existed (forgot, sure) and now the buyer is panicking because they already gave notice at their apartment and the seller is claiming he paid that contractor in cash and has no receipts and I'm standing in a Walgreens parking lot trying to explain to both of them on a three-way call that I cannot make a lien disappear with my mind. The contractor died two years ago. His son inherited the business and has no records. The title company wants the seller to put the full amount in escrow just in case, seller says he'll walk first, buyer starts crying, and my commission on this thing was going to be around nine thousand dollars which I already mentally spent on my kid's braces and fixing the transmission in my car. We closed eventually, six weeks late, after the seller's lawyer found a canceled check in a filing cabinet, but by then the buyer had to pay an extra month at her apartment and blamed me for it, left me a three-star review that specifically mentioned my communication skills, and I still don't know what I was supposed to communicate differently when a dead man's paperwork was the problem.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED LIEN NEGLIGENCE IN THE FIRST DEGREE WITH CONSPIRACY TO PERMIT DECEASED CONTRACTOR CHAOS
The Court has reviewed this testimony and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the state of affairs presented herein. You stood in a WALGREENS PARKING LOT, counsel, a place of discount greeting cards and poorly lit cosmetics aisles, attempting to adjudicate a twelve thousand dollar ghost lien while a contractor moldered in his grave clutching the only receipt that mattered. Reginald has seen many things from this bench, including the time a buyer tried to use a Groupon at closing, but this particular confluence of dead men, missing paperwork, and three-star reviews strikes at the very FOUNDATION of transactional dignity. The seller FORGOT a lien existed, much like I once forgot I had a wife until she reminded me via certified mail, and yet YOU are the one receiving criticism for your communication skills. The Court notes that you cannot, in fact, make liens disappear with your mind, though The Court has tried this with parking tickets and can confirm it does not work even with SIGNIFICANT concentration. You mentally spent that commission on braces and a transmission, two things that straighten what is crooked, and yet the universe delivered only a crooked review and a buyer who expected you to perform necromancy on accounts receivable. This Court finds the three-star review to be the true crime here, a monument to human ingratitude, and hereby sentences everyone involved except you to explain title insurance to my Roomba until it beeps in understanding.
SCANDAL RATING: 6.8/10 Posthumous Paperwork Purgatory

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