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CONFESSION #0648 — WRONG ADDRESS
Friday, June 26, 2026
The commission check was short. By like twelve hundred dollars. And my broker's looking at me like I'm the one who messed up the paperwork, but no, the problem is the house sold for less because the buyers almost walked when they realized the listing said 4247 Maple and the actual house is 4274 Maple. Transposed numbers. My fault, yes, I typed it wrong, but also the photographer went to the wrong house. Shot the whole thing. Beautiful kitchen with the farmhouse sink. That's not my listing. My listing has laminate counters from 2003 and a microwave that's mounted crooked. So the buyers show up for the first showing and they're standing in the driveway going this isn't the house and I'm on my phone pulling up the photos like yes it is and then we're all just staring at each other. The actual owner comes out in a bathrobe asking if we're the people about the water heater. We salvaged it. Showed them the real house. They liked it enough but knocked fifteen thousand off their offer because, quote, trust issues now. Sellers accepted because they were already under contract on their next place and couldn't wait. My broker says the twelve hundred is a learning experience. That's what she called it. A learning experience. Meanwhile the photographer charged me full rate for the wrong house and won't refund because technically he did the job I asked for. At the address I gave him. I have the photos still. Beautiful kitchen. Someone should buy that house.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED CARTOGRAPHIC NEGLIGENCE AND UNAUTHORIZED KITCHEN ENVY IN THE SECOND DEGREE
The Court has reviewed this confession and frankly, Reginald needs a moment. You transposed TWO NUMBERS and created a real estate multiverse where a farmhouse sink exists in one timeline and crooked laminate microwave despair exists in another, and somehow YOU are surprised that trust has been shattered? The buyers stood in a driveway experiencing what this Court can only describe as a philosophical crisis, confronting the very nature of what a house even IS, while an innocent man in a bathrobe was forced to discuss water heaters with strangers like some kind of terrycloth hostage. I once ruled in Zillow v. Common Sense, 2021 that a photograph is a PROMISE, and you, Agent, made a promise of a farmhouse sink that you could not keep, which frankly reminds me of my third wife who promised to stop rearranging my gavel collection and yet here we are. The photographer is not the villain here, though The Court does find his refusal to refund morally WOBBLY at best. Your broker calling this a learning experience is the kind of corporate gaslighting that makes Reginald want to subpoena her personally, but that is a matter for another docket. The twelve hundred dollars is not tuition, it is a fine levied by the universe for crimes against numerical accuracy, and this Court hereby UPHOLDS that fine while also ordering you to delete those photos because beautiful kitchens you cannot deliver are just residential catfishing and The Court will NOT have it.
SCANDAL RATING: 6.8/10 Maple Street Mirage

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