Advertisement
CONFESSION #0660 — NEW AGENT BAPTISM BY FIRE
Wednesday, July 1, 2026
The HOA sent a letter. To my client. Three days after closing. Apparently the previous owner had an open violation for an "unauthorized structure" and I'm sitting there thinking, what structure, I walked that property six times. Turns out there's a shed in the back corner, behind the overgrown hedge, and I never once walked back there. Never once. My client calls me screaming about a $200 a day fine that's been accruing for four months. That's $24,000. I keep saying I didn't know, which is true, but also I should have known, that's literally my job, and she's crying now and asking if I'm going to pay for it. I said I'd look into it. I've been looking into it for two weeks. The listing agent swears the sellers disclosed everything. They didn't. The HOA docs I ordered didn't mention active violations because apparently you have to request that separately. Nobody told me you have to request that separately. My broker keeps saying "learning experience" and I want to throw my laptop.
Advertisement
Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE IN THE FIRST DEGREE OF PERIMETER PATROL, WITH AGGRAVATING CIRCUMSTANCES OF HEDGE-BASED COWARDICE
The Court is PHYSICALLY ILL at what has been presented here today. You walked a property SIX TIMES and never once ventured behind a hedge? Reginald once discovered a functioning speakeasy behind an overgrown boxwood in Scottsdale, and he was there for a SHOWING, not a so-called professional inspection. This Court cites the landmark decision in Shrubbery v. Due Diligence, 2019, wherein it was established that "if foliage obscures it, thou must still observe it." And now your client weeps, WEEPS, while you "look into it" like a man staring at a refrigerator hoping dinner will announce itself. The phrase "learning experience" is what brokers say when they mean "you are on your own and I am going to pretend this conversation never happened," and frankly The Court is having flashbacks to when my own mentor said that after I accidentally notarized a placemat at Applebee's, but THAT IS NOT THE POINT. You had ONE JOB, which was to walk the ENTIRE property, including the parts that required minor physical effort, and instead you let a rogue shed and a $24,000 fine lurk in botanical darkness like a financial predator. The Court finds you guilty and orders you to immediately purchase a machete, a surveyor's vest, and whatever remains of your professional dignity. VERDICT RENDERED, The Court must now go argue with a hedge of its own.
SCANDAL RATING: 5.8/10 Shed Blindness Syndrome

Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.

Submit Anonymously → Subscribe to the Newsletter
Advertisement

← Back to the Full Docket