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CONFESSION #0667 — WRONG ADDRESS
Saturday, July 4, 2026
Closing was at 2pm. Everyone shows up, the buyers are excited, they've got a bottle of champagne in the car for after. We sign everything, I hand over the keys, we take the photo on the porch. Standard stuff. They drive to the house. I get a call twenty minutes later and the wife is crying. Not like upset crying, like confused crying. She keeps saying there's people in the house. There's furniture. There's a family eating dinner. Turns out the title company transposed two digits in the address. We closed on 814 Maple. They bought 841 Maple. Different house. Different owner. The actual 841 owners weren't even selling. Took eleven weeks to unwind. The buyers never spoke to me again, which honestly I get.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CATASTROPHIC NUMERICAL NEGLIGENCE RESULTING IN UNAUTHORIZED DINNER PARTY INTRUSION
The Court is PHYSICALLY ILL. You handed human beings keys to a HOME THAT WAS NOT THEIRS and they walked in on a FAMILY EATING WHAT I CAN ONLY ASSUME WAS A CASSEROLE. Do you understand what you have done? Those buyers stood on a stranger's porch, champagne warming in their Honda, while inside some poor woman was trying to enjoy her Tuesday meatloaf and suddenly strangers are IN HER FOYER asking why their furniture is wrong. This is not a clerical error, this is DOMESTIC TERRORISM BY SPREADSHEET. The Court once accidentally drove to the wrong Applebee's and it took Reginald THREE YEARS to emotionally recover, so I cannot FATHOM the psychological damage of discovering your new home comes pre-loaded with a family you did not order. Eleven weeks to unwind? ELEVEN WEEKS? In the landmark case of Basic Competence v. Title Companies Everywhere, 2019, the Court ruled that if you cannot tell the difference between 814 and 841 you should not be allowed near NUMBERS, let alone DEEDS. The title company should be forced to live in that family's basement until they learn what digits are. This Court is adjourning immediately because Reginald needs to go verify his own address exists.
SCANDAL RATING: 9.4/10 Wrong House Homicide

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