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CONFESSION #0674 — THE BUYER WHO NEVER BOUGHT
Monday, July 6, 2026
The appraisal came in low. Like, 40 grand low. And the thing is, I knew it would. The seller had disclosed foundation issues six months prior to another buyer who walked, and I saw that disclosure, I had it in my files, and I just... forgot to mention it to my current buyers. Not on purpose. Just got busy, got sloppy, figured the inspection would catch it.
Inspection did catch it. But by then my buyers were already emotionally attached, already told their kids about the backyard, already picked out paint colors. So when the appraisal tanked because of the foundation, they blamed me. Which they should have. The husband called me at 11pm to say I'd wasted eight months of their lives. He wasn't wrong.
They never bought anything. Not with me, not with anyone else I know of. Last I heard they were still renting the same place in Glendale. I still have their saved searches in my system. Sometimes I see them pop up, looking at new listings.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CRIMINAL DISCLOSURE NEGLIGENCE IN THE FIRST DEGREE WITH AGGRAVATED EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT EXPLOITATION
The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the sheer magnitude of bureaucratic cowardice on display. You HAD the disclosure. It was IN YOUR FILES. You watched a family pick out PAINT COLORS while sitting on forty thousand dollars worth of foundation doom like some kind of real estate dragon hoarding secrets instead of gold. The Court once had a similar experience when Reginald forgot to disclose to himself that the breakfast burrito in his car had been there for six days, and let me tell you, the emotional devastation was COMPARABLE. You figured the inspection would catch it? THE INSPECTION IS NOT YOUR MOTHER, IT DOES NOT EXIST TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR SLOPPY PROFESSIONAL NEGLIGENCE. Those children were told about a backyard they will never play in, and now their saved searches haunt your CRM like the ghosts of Christmas listings past, and you DESERVE that haunting. The husband called you at 11pm and he showed RESTRAINT because The Court would have called at 3am with a PowerPoint presentation on betrayal. This family is still renting in Glendale because of you, and Glendale rent is NO JOKE, which Reginald knows because he once briefly considered relocating there before deciding he could not live somewhere with insufficient gavel storage. The Court hereby orders you to delete those saved searches because you do not deserve to witness their continued hope, and also because watching them is CREEPY.
Foundation of Lies
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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