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CONFESSION #0681 — SHOWING GONE WRONG
Thursday, July 9, 2026
The buyers came back for a third showing. Third. They loved the house, they said. Just wanted to measure for furniture. The husband goes, "Mind if we check the water pressure upstairs?" and I said sure, knock yourself out. Twenty minutes later I hear this sound. Like a waterfall but inside. He'd turned on the master bath shower, then went to measure the bedroom, then forgot. The drain was clogged with something, seller's hair I guess, and water just poured over the lip of the tub for I don't know how long. Through the ceiling. Into the kitchen below. The wife comes down and sees water dripping from the light fixture and she looks at me and says, "Is that normal?" No. No that is not normal. Seller's estimate was twelve thousand for the ceiling, the subfloor, mold remediation. Buyers withdrew their offer the next day. Didn't even apologize, just said they'd "decided to keep looking." I still have the listing. New disclosure form now mentions prior water damage.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE IN THE SUPERVISION OF AMATEUR PLUMBERS, ACCESSORY TO CEILING DESTRUCTION, AND AGGRAVATED FAILURE TO MONITOR KNOWN BATHROOM ENTHUSIASTS
The Court is BESIDE ITSELF. You let a man who cannot remember his own actions for twenty consecutive minutes operate plumbing fixtures UNSUPERVISED? This is not a showing, this is a hostage situation where the hostage is drywall. Reginald once dated a woman who forgot she was boiling eggs and that relationship ended in smoke damage and mutual restraining orders, so The Court understands the seductive danger of the easily distracted, but YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL. "Mind if we check the water pressure?" is not a casual question, it is a DECLARATION OF INTENT TO COMMIT INFRASTRUCTURE CRIMES, and you responded with "knock yourself out" like some kind of chaos merchant. The wife asking "Is that normal?" while standing beneath a weeping light fixture is now seared into The Court's memory as the most devastating rhetorical question since "Did you really think granite was coming back?" And THEN, after converting a perfectly good kitchen ceiling into an indoor water feature, these hydraulic terrorists simply "decided to keep looking" WITHOUT APOLOGY? The Court finds additional charges against the buyers IN ABSENTIA for emotional hit-and-run. Your new disclosure form is your scarlet letter, and you shall wear it until that listing closes or the sun burns out, whichever comes first. BAILIFF ROOMBA, RETRIEVE MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT GAVEL.
SCANDAL RATING: 5.8/10 Unsupervised Deluge Enabler

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