The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself DEEPLY DISTURBED by the audacity of this sump pump to simply EXPIRE like some kind of mortal appliance. You stand accused of not possessing psychic knowledge of a machine's twelve-year death wish, and frankly, Reginald finds this inexcusable. In the landmark case of Basement v. Gravity, 2019, the Court established that all water eventually seeks the lowest point, and yet here you are, SHOCKED when physics does its job. I once had a refrigerator that ran perfectly for eleven years and then died the DAY AFTER I hosted a dinner party for my estranged cousin Gerald, and do you know what I did? I BLAMED GERALD, because that is what reasonable people do, they assign fault to anything except random chance. You made sixteen hundred dollars before taxes on this catastrophe, which means after taxes you probably cleared enough to buy yourself one moderately disappointing lunch and the privilege of being screamed at by attorneys for a week. The buyer wanted eight thousand dollars for a four-hundred-dollar pump because that is how humans process grief, and the seller already spent nine thousand on a foundation crack that WAS NOT EVEN THE PROBLEM, and somehow YOU are the one fielding calls on a Sunday like some kind of real estate chaplain. The Court rules that you are guilty only in the sense that you chose this profession voluntarily, and that is punishment enough. ORDER THE ROOMBA IS NOW CIRCLING THE BENCH AGGRESSIVELY AND REGINALD MUST ATTEND TO THIS MATTER IMMEDIATELY.