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CONFESSION #0711 — SHOWING GONE WRONG
Sunday, July 19, 2026
The HOA sent a letter. Three days after the showing, a certified letter to my client who doesn't even own the property yet, she's just the buyer, and the letter says there's a complaint about the condition of the front landscaping which makes no sense until I realize they sent it to the wrong address and the actual complaint is about us (specifically me) because during the showing the seller's automatic sprinkler system turned on and I panicked and tried to turn it off at the control box on the side of the house and I guess I broke something because water just started shooting straight up out of the ground like a geyser, not from the sprinkler heads, from the pipe itself, and the neighbor whose lawn shares a property line called the HOA because the water ran for maybe 12 minutes before I found the main shutoff and his grass got "oversaturated" (his word, he used that word to the HOA) and now there's a $400 repair bill for the irrigation line and the seller's insurance won't cover it because I'm not the homeowner and my E&O doesn't cover physical property damage I cause with my hands and the neighbor wants his lawn aerated because of the saturation thing which is another $200 and the showing didn't even result in an offer.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED IRRIGATION DESTRUCTION AND FELONY GRASS SATURATION IN THE FIRST DEGREE
The Court has reviewed this confession with the same horror Reginald felt when he once accidentally flooded his own bathroom trying to install a bidet he ordered from a website that no longer exists. You, a licensed professional, approached a sprinkler control box with the confidence of someone who has never met a sprinkler control box, and proceeded to UNLEASH A GEYSER upon the innocent suburban landscape like some kind of chaotic water deity with a showing to complete. The neighbor used the word "oversaturated" and frankly THE COURT WISHES TO SHAKE THIS MAN'S HAND because that is EXACTLY the level of HOA vocabulary precision this docket demands. You broke a pipe WITH YOUR HANDS, created a $600 combined damage situation across multiple insurance gaps, traumatized a lawn that was simply trying to be grass, and DID NOT EVEN SECURE AN OFFER. This Court once ruled against a garden hose for "excessive enthusiasm" and I am PREPARED to do the same to you. The showing lasted longer than the geyser and somehow produced LESS results, which is a statistical achievement in failure. Reginald must now adjourn to call his own irrigation company because this confession has made him deeply anxious about his backyard.
Geyser of Regret
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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