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CONFESSION #0730 — SELLER MELTDOWN
Sunday, July 26, 2026
The other agent emailed at 9pm. Subject line just says "Issue with disclosure" and my stomach drops because I know exactly what it is. Three weeks earlier my seller tells me the basement flooded once, maybe twice, back in 2019. I write it down on a napkin at the showing because I'm an idiot and then I lose the napkin. Or I threw it out. I don't know. Point is it never made it onto the disclosure form and now the buyer's inspector found water staining and they're asking questions and my seller is texting me like why are they bringing this up, I told you about this.
Yeah. You did tell me.
Had to go back to them with a corrected disclosure and the buyers asked for $8,000 off because now they don't trust anything we've said. My seller screamed at me for twenty minutes about how this was going to be clean and simple. She used the word "betrayal" which felt dramatic but also. I mean. She's not wrong. I wrote it on a napkin. At a Panera.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF NEGLIGENT NAPKIN-BASED RECORD KEEPING AND WILLFUL DISCLOSURE AMNESIA IN THE SECOND DEGREE
The Court has seen incompetence before, but THIS, this is something almost beautiful in its stupidity. You took a material fact about WATER INFILTRATION, a disclosure item that has toppled empires and destroyed families, and you committed it to a PANERA NAPKIN like you were jotting down a cute barista's number. Reginald once lost a crucial ruling because he wrote it on a receipt that went through the wash, and even HE knows that was less egregious than this because at least receipts have structural integrity unlike whatever sopping bread-adjacent tissue paper they distribute at that soup establishment. Your seller used the word betrayal and The Court finds that linguistically appropriate because you BETRAYED the sacred covenant between agent and disclosure form, you BETRAYED basic organizational competence, and frankly you BETRAYED that napkin by not even giving it the dignity of a pocket. The $8,000 reduction is not punishment enough but capitalism will have to suffice where justice cannot. I am now recusing myself because I just remembered I left my gavel at a Chipotle and I am experiencing sympathy rage. CASE DISMISSED, ORDER THE ROOMBA WILL SEE YOU OUT.
Panera Disclosure Disaster
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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