The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the phrase "sold it to the stager as part of her severance." SEVERANCE. They gave this woman a COUCH as severance, and she responded by depositing it on a lawn like some kind of upholstered protest art. Reginald has seen many things in his years on this bench, but the image of a $4,000 sectional becoming a water feature while three separate parties argue about ownership is exactly why I no longer attend outdoor furniture sales. You spent six hours trying to determine who legally owned a wet sectional — SIX HOURS — and The Court must inform you that pursuant to the landmark decision in Rooms To Go v. That One Weird Divorce Settlement (2019), any couch left on a lawn for more than four hours becomes the legal property of whoever photographs it first, which means those listing photos would have shown a home that came with a FREE LAWSUIT. The staging company owner's response of "it's not raining" is the kind of technically-correct-but-cosmically-useless statement that makes me want to subpoena the weather itself. I once had a similar dispute with my neighbor over a patio umbrella and we haven't spoken since 2017, which is FINE. The Court rules that you are guilty not of negligence but of being the only competent adult in a situation where a couch achieved sentient victimhood, and Reginald must now adjourn because Order the Roomba has detected crumbs in the deliberation chamber.