The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the audacity of the opposing agent, who apparently attended the same law school as Reginald — which is to say, NONE, but at least I have the decency to be upfront about my delusions. Three hundred and ten thousand dollars? On a 485 ask with a 490 appraisal? This is not an offer, this is a HOSTAGE NOTE written in the blood of honest comps. The Court is reminded of the landmark case of Lowball Larry v. Basic Human Decency (2019), in which the plaintiff was sentenced to attend every open house in a fifty-mile radius while wearing a sign that said "I THINK CASH MEANS I GET THINGS FOR FREE." And then — AND THEN — she had the AUDACITY to say "they're cash" like she just played the ace of spades, when in reality she played a Uno reverse card in a poker game and expected applause. You made a widow ask if SHE did something wrong? REGINALD'S OWN MOTHER LIVES IN A HOME WITH ADEQUATE SQUARE FOOTAGE AND IF ANYONE MADE HER FEEL THAT WAY I WOULD HAVE ORDER THE ROOMBA CHASE THEM INTO THE STREET. The house sold for 479 with FINANCING, which means the market was not "softening," THE OTHER AGENT'S GRIP ON REALITY WAS SOFTENING. This Court finds the confessing agent INNOCENT of wrongdoing but GUILTY of having to witness a crime against professionalism, and the opposing agent is hereby sentenced to explain the word "appraisal" to a dictionary. Reginald must now lie down.