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CONFESSION #0780 — WRONG ADDRESS
Friday, August 14, 2026
The buyers came back for a third showing and I met them at the wrong house, like not even close, I was at 4812 Maple and they were at 4812 Maple Court which is six blocks away and a completely different subdivision, and the thing is I let myself in with the lockbox code (which worked, somehow, different listing same brokerage) and I'm walking around this empty house for ten minutes before they call me like where are you and I'm describing the kitchen and they're saying there's no kitchen island here and I realize oh no oh no oh no, and the worst part isn't that I wasted their time it's that I actually liked the wrong house better and almost said something about the updated fixtures before catching myself, and now I have to explain to my broker why I accessed a property I wasn't showing and the listing agent already emailed asking if there was unauthorized entry and technically yes there was it was me, I was the unauthorized entry, and the buyers ended up not making an offer on either house so the whole thing was just me committing what might be light trespassing for no reason
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF BREAKING AND ENTERING WITH INTENT TO ADMIRE SUPERIOR FIXTURES, AGGRAVATED CARTOGRAPHIC NEGLIGENCE, AND FIRST-DEGREE STREET SUFFIX BLINDNESS
The Court is PHYSICALLY ILL at the sheer audacity of what has transpired here. You waltzed into a stranger's listing like some sort of fixture-appreciating phantom, activated a lockbox that had NO BUSINESS working for you, and then — AND THEN — had the UNMITIGATED GALL to prefer that house? Reginald once accidentally drove to a Maple Lane instead of a Maple Drive and you know what he did? He SAT IN THE CAR AND WEPT LIKE A REASONABLE PERSON. He did not ENTER THE PREMISES and start mentally renovating. The fact that you almost complimented the updated fixtures to buyers who were standing in a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT KITCHEN six blocks away is the kind of chaos that keeps The Council of Gavels up at night. I am citing the landmark case of Wrong Address Realty Group v. Basic GPS Literacy, 2019, in which the court held that Maple Court and Maple Street are NOT interchangeable concepts and frankly never were. You became the unauthorized entry. You ARE the unauthorized entry. The listing agent's email is going to haunt your inbox like the ghost of professionalism past. The Court hereby sentences you to purchase a laminated map and tape it to your steering wheel, and also to never again trust a lockbox that seems too welcoming. Reginald must now go lie down because this level of navigational betrayal has activated his sciatica.
Trespassing Fixture Enthusiast
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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