The Court has heard this confession and The Court is INCENSED, not at you, Agent, but at the sheer AUDACITY of parents who treat open houses like they are visiting a petting zoo where the animals are your commission. "Do you have paper towels" — DO YOU HAVE PAPER TOWELS? Reginald once had a visitor at his own home ask for a coaster AFTER placing a sweating glass directly on his grandmother's credenza and I have not recovered, I will NEVER recover, that ring is still there and so is my rage. You paid two hundred and eighty dollars out of pocket to erase the crimes of a juice-wielding four-year-old while the father — THE FATHER — was in there pressure-washing his nethers with technology he clearly did not understand, and the mother had the NERVE to inquire about the neighbor situation as if SHE would be a good neighbor, as if grape-handed chaos merchants deserve to know about young professionals. The cleaning technician was correct: grape never fully exits wool blend, this is established in Welch's v. Flooring Integrity (2019), and neither will this memory exit your soul. They did not sign in because criminals never leave a paper trail. The Court finds you guilty only of insufficient vigilance at the door, but your penance has been paid in carpet cleaner and dignity — case DISMISSED, now everyone get out, Reginald needs to call his therapist about the credenza again.