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CONFESSION #0793 — OTHER AGENT WAS THE PROBLEM
Tuesday, August 18, 2026
The inspection came back clean. That's the thing, the inspection came back clean and we were three days from closing and the other agent calls me and says her buyers want to renegotiate because they "did some research" (which means they talked to a cousin or something) and decided the roof looked old in the photos. The roof that the inspector walked on. The roof that got written up as having 8 to 10 years of life left. But no, the cousin drove by apparently, didn't even get out of his car, and now they want twelve thousand dollars off because of what the cousin thinks. And I tell the other agent look, we have a report, we have documentation, and she says "my clients are very visual people" like that's a negotiating position. Very visual people. The sellers were already packed, had movers scheduled for that Saturday, put a deposit on their new place in Phoenix, and I had to call them and explain that we might lose this over a guy who looked at a roof from his Honda Civic. We closed eventually but they only got 4k back and my sellers still blame me for not "protecting" them better, which I don't even know what that means when someone's cousin just decides to have opinions.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF FAILURE TO ADEQUATELY DEFEND AGAINST VEHICULAR ROOFING SPECULATION IN THE FIRST DEGREE
The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself in a state of PROFOUND JUDICIAL DISTRESS. Let Reginald be absolutely clear: a certified inspector WALKED UPON THAT ROOF with his ACTUAL FEET while some cousin conducted what can only be described as a drive-by architectural assassination from the climate-controlled comfort of a Honda Civic, and THIS was permitted to derail a closing? The Court cites the landmark precedent of Zillow v. Unqualified Relatives Who Should Mind Their Business, 2019, in which it was established that windshield-based roof assessments hold approximately the same evidentiary weight as a fortune cookie. I myself once had a brother-in-law who claimed my kitchen backsplash was "installed crooked" based on a photo I texted him, and I have not spoken to him since Thanksgiving 2017, NOR WILL I. The phrase "my clients are very visual people" is not a negotiating position, it is an ADMISSION that your clients operate on vibes and cousin energy rather than LICENSED PROFESSIONAL DOCUMENTATION. Your sellers blame you for not protecting them, but The Court must ask: protect them from WHAT, the inexorable tide of people who think having eyes constitutes expertise? The gavel has spoken and Reginald must now go lie down.
Civic-Based Speculation
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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