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CONFESSION #0799 — DEAL THAT EXPLODED
Thursday, August 20, 2026
The MLS listing had a mistake. Said the property was 2.4 acres when it was actually 0.24 acres. Decimal point in the wrong place. Buyer's from out of state, flying in, already talking about where they're gonna put the horse barn and the guest cottage. I didn't catch it until we're standing in the driveway and he's looking around like something's off. Because something was off. We were standing on basically the whole property. He'd already wired 40 thousand in earnest money. His wife had quit her job. They sold their house in Minnesota, closed three weeks prior. The listing agent blamed the admin who input the data, admin blamed the seller's disclosure, seller said he told them point two four very clearly on the phone. They're renting a storage unit in town now. Still.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF DECIMALLY AGGRAVATED LAND FRAUD IN THE FIRST DEGREE WITH CATASTROPHIC EQUINE CONSEQUENCES
The Court has reviewed this confession and frankly, Reginald needs a moment because THIS IS THE MOST BRAZEN ASSAULT ON MATHEMATICAL INTEGRITY since the infamous Zillow v. Basic Arithmetic case of 2022. You stood there, ON THE WHOLE PROPERTY, watching a man's horse barn dreams DIE in real time while his wife's career corpse cooled in Minnesota, and somewhere an admin is pointing at a seller who is pointing at a phone call like this is some kind of TRAGIC DECIMAL POINT GAME OF HOT POTATO. The Court once lost a decimal point in a checking account and had to eat canned soup for a week, but at least Reginald did not STRAND AN ENTIRE FAMILY IN A STORAGE UNIT because nobody could be bothered to confirm whether we were dealing with a MODEST HOMESITE or a SMALL HORSE RANCH. Two point four acres versus point two four acres is not a rounding error, it is the difference between A LIFE and A CRUEL JOKE, and The Court finds that every single person in this chain of custody should be forced to live on point two four acres together until they learn to COUNT. Order the Roomba has entered a formal objection and honestly so has basic decency. The Court is adjourned because Reginald cannot even look at you right now.
SCANDAL RATING: 6.8/10 Decimal Destruction Derby

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