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CONFESSION #0804 — SHOWING GONE WRONG
Saturday, August 22, 2026
The neighbor walked over. Middle of the showing, buyer's inside looking at the kitchen, and this guy comes across the lawn with a folder. A folder. He goes "Are you the agent? I need to talk to your client about the fence."
I said sir, my client is the seller, they're not here.
He goes "Well someone needs to know that fence is six inches on my property and I have the survey right here."
The buyer heard everything. Walked out of the kitchen, looked at me, looked at the neighbor, and said "Is there a lawsuit?"
The neighbor goes "There will be if that fence doesn't move."
Buyer left. Didn't even finish the showing. Called me an hour later and said she's not interested in "inheriting someone's drama."
The fence had been there twelve years. Twelve years this guy waited. Seller didn't even know. I had to call her and explain why we lost a buyer over six inches of wood that's been there since Obama's first term.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED BOUNDARY DISPUTE EXPOSURE IN THE PRESENCE OF A MOTIVATED BUYER
The Court has reviewed this testimony and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the sequence of events described. A folder, counsel. This man approached your showing with a FOLDER. That is premeditated neighborly hostility of the highest order, and yet The Court must ask — where was your perimeter? Where was your defensive formation? In Picket v. Fencepost Holdings LLC (2019), this Court established that any licensed agent operating within fifty feet of a property line must maintain what we call "neighbor awareness protocol," which includes but is not limited to: strategic small talk, preemptive compliments about lawn care, and if necessary, a diversionary plate of cookies. You had NONE of these countermeasures deployed. Six inches of encroachment that predates the iPhone X, and this man chose YOUR showing to relitigate it like he was waiting for an audience. Reginald himself once lost a girlfriend over a property line dispute — she sided with the surveyor, which The Court maintains was an act of emotional treason — so I understand the stakes here better than most. The buyer used the phrase "inheriting drama" which suggests she has been burned before, possibly by a timeshare or a cousin with a boat, and you failed to intercept the chaos before it reached her ears. Twelve years of silence broken by one folder and your complete lack of situational fortification. The Court finds you negligent, the neighbor finds himself vindicated, and Reginald finds himself needing to take a walk because this has surfaced some things.
Folder Ambush Failure
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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