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CONFESSION #0823 — SELLER MELTDOWN
Friday, August 28, 2026
The buyers came back for a third showing. Which should have been my clue. Nobody comes back three times unless they're looking for reasons to walk. And the seller, she's been staging this place herself for six weeks, fresh flowers every Sunday, the whole routine. She asks me to be there for the showing because she doesn't trust the buyer's agent. Fine. But then she doesn't leave. She's in the kitchen pretending to water plants that don't need water. The buyer's wife opens the cabinet under the sink and there's a bucket. Catching a drip. Been there the whole time apparently. I knew about it. The seller told me week one, said it was fixed, and I just took her word. Didn't check. Didn't ask for a receipt. The wife looks at her husband and says "this is what I was talking about" and they're out the door in under a minute. The seller stood there holding her watering can and didn't say anything for maybe thirty seconds. Then she asked me why I let them open that cabinet. Like I was supposed to stand guard. The thing is she's not wrong that I should have followed up. The drip wasn't fixed. It was a $200 repair. Maybe less.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF NEGLIGENT BUCKET CONCEALMENT IN THE SECOND DEGREE WITH AGGRAVATED FAILURE TO VERIFY PLUMBING CLAIMS
The Court is BESIDE ITSELF. You stood there, a licensed professional presumably capable of opening a cabinet, and you simply TOOK HER WORD that a leak was fixed? Reginald once trusted a contractor who said the grout was "fine" and now Reginald has a bathroom that weeps every time it rains, so The Court knows EXACTLY where blind faith in home repair claims leads. You had SIX WEEKS of fresh flowers and Sunday staging rituals, and not once did it occur to you to peek under that sink where a bucket sat collecting evidence like a tiny porcelain whistleblower? The seller asks why you let them open the cabinet as if you were supposed to physically bodyblock a woman from her own curiosity, and while her logic is UNHINGED, your negligence handed her that audacity on a silver platter. This was a TWO HUNDRED DOLLAR repair, counsel, possibly less, and you let it torpedo a three-showing buyer because you could not be bothered to REQUEST A RECEIPT. The Court hereby sentences you to personally inspect every cabinet, crawlspace, and suspicious bucket in your next ten listings, and may God have mercy on your depleted commission. Reginald must go now because Order the Roomba has detected crumbs in the deliberation chamber and justice waits for no one.
Bucket of Betrayal
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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