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CONFESSION #0826 — NEW AGENT BAPTISM BY FIRE
Saturday, August 29, 2026
He wasn't on the title. The wife owned the house, had owned it for twelve years before they even met, and he's the one who called me. He's the one who did the walkthrough. He's the one who said "list it at 425, we need to move fast."
I'm three weeks in. This is my second listing. My broker's on a cruise.
So I get the sign in the yard, get the photos up, first showing scheduled for Saturday. Friday night the wife calls me. She goes "Who are you and why is my house on Zillow."
I said ma'am your husband hired me.
She said "We're not married."
They live together. They have a kid together. He told me they were married. He showed me a ring. I don't even know if it was his ring or just a ring he had.
She was actually pretty calm about it. Said this wasn't the first time he'd tried something like this. Didn't say what the other times were.
I had to take down the listing myself. My broker called me from the boat. She just said "Well that's a new one."
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF LISTING WITHOUT LEGAL AUTHORITY IN THE FIRST DEGREE, AGGRAVATED BY RING-BASED DECEPTION AND ROOKIE CREDULITY
The Court has reviewed this confession and frankly Reginald needs a moment because THIS IS THE MOST AUDACIOUS DISPLAY OF UNAUTHORIZED LISTING ACTIVITY since the landmark case of Some Guy With A Ring v. Basic Due Diligence, 2019. You saw a ring, counsel. A RING. The Court once saw a man wearing a Burger King crown and did not assume he had sovereignty over the drive-thru. You had ONE job and that job was to verify who actually OWNS THE PROPERTY and instead you accepted the verbal assurances of a man who, according to testimony, has apparently tried this MULTIPLE TIMES which raises the question of what exactly he was planning to do with that 425 thousand dollars. The Court notes with some personal discomfort that this reminds Reginald of the time a woman at a open house claimed to be "spiritually married to the foundation" and I ALMOST believed her because she seemed very sincere and had excellent posture. Your broker was on a cruise, which The Court finds to be an INSUFFICIENT EXCUSE because cellular technology exists in international waters and also you should not be left unsupervised after only one previous listing like some kind of feral real estate infant. She said "well that's a new one" FROM THE BOAT which means even she knows this is a catastrophe of YOUR making. The Court hereby rules that you are guilty but also deeply, deeply lucky that this wife had apparently developed the patience of a woman who has seen some things, and Reginald must now go lie down because this case has activated his blood pressure medication.
Ring-Fooled Rookie
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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