The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the invocation of granite as though it were some kind of geological currency. Reginald once presided over a case involving a man who tried to pay his mortgage in quartz samples, and THAT man showed more financial literacy than this boat-dreaming inheritor of countertops. Let the record show that Zillow Zestimates are not legal tender, they are not binding arbitration, and they are CERTAINLY not a valid basis for putting a deposit on a watercraft when you have not yet CLOSED ON THE SALE OF THE HOUSE. The carport defense is hereby stricken from the record because The Court refuses to dignify it, and frankly the Court's own therapist has asked Reginald to stop bringing up carports entirely after an incident at a family reunion that is NOT relevant here. Your buyers escaped with their dignity and a better house, which is more than this granite-addled sailor deserved, and the forty-thousand-dollar lesson he received is what we in the legal community call "the market doing its job while you stand there holding a boat brochure." The eye twitch is a reasonable trauma response and The Court hereby grants you immunity from all granite-related triggers for a period of no less than eighteen months. ORDER IN THE COURT, Order the Roomba has entered with today's mail and Reginald must now adjourn to sign for what appears to be another gavel.