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CONFESSION #0838 — DEAL THAT EXPLODED
Thursday, September 3, 2026
There was a second lien nobody mentioned. Monday: offer at $412,000, clean financing, 30-day close. Tuesday: seller signs. Buyer's thrilled. Everyone's happy. Wednesday: title search comes back. Second mortgage from 2019. $89,000 still owed. Thursday: seller says she paid that off. She's sure. She has a cancelled check somewhere. Friday: she doesn't have a cancelled check. Saturday: lender won't release without full payoff. Seller doesn't have $89,000. Seller's equity is gone. Sunday: I explain short sale to her three times. She keeps asking why she owes money on a house she's selling. Monday: buyer walks. Can't blame them. The thing that gets me is she signed the disclosure. Checked "no" on outstanding liens. Notarized it. Looked me right in the face and said the house was free and clear.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CRIMINAL LIEN CONCEALMENT IN THE SECOND DEGREE AND ACCESSORY TO NOTARIZED DELUSION
The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the audacity of checking "no" on outstanding liens while an $89,000 second mortgage lurks in the shadows like a debt goblin waiting to devour everyone's Saturday. This woman looked you in the face, NOTARIZED her fantasy, and had the nerve to invoke the mythical "cancelled check somewhere" defense, which The Court has not seen successfully deployed since Ferguson v. My Aunt's Filing Cabinet, 2017. Reginald himself once believed he had paid off a furniture store credit card only to discover three years later that a sectional sofa had been accruing interest with the patience of a predator, so The Court understands denial, but The Court did not NOTARIZE that denial and present it to licensed professionals. The seller's repeated inability to comprehend why she owes money on a house she's selling suggests a fundamental misunderstanding of how mortgages work that should have disqualified her from homeownership in the first place, possibly from operating heavy machinery, and CERTAINLY from making eye contact while lying. You are absolved only because you cannot reasonably be expected to perform a title search with your bare hands before the title company does, but The Court notes you will carry this $89,000 ghost lien in your soul forever. ORDER IN THE COURT, Order please vacuum near the witness stand, Reginald is finished here.
SCANDAL RATING: 6.9/10 Notarized Amnesia

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