The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the sheer volume of nonsense you absorbed without judicial intervention. Eight months, EIGHT MONTHS, you entertained a man searching for a unicorn property in a fantasy school district, and when the universe finally handed you a contract, you let him flee because a NEWSLETTER from the OBAMA ADMINISTRATION mentioned a dog with boundary issues? This Court once ruled against a labradoodle for barking during a closing, but that animal was PRESENT and DISRUPTIVE, not a historical footnote in an HOA's archival materials! You fought to LOWER his earnest money, which Reginald must note is the real estate equivalent of bringing a pool noodle to a sword fight, and now you stand beerless in your kitchen at 11 PM listening to a grown man ask if inspection contingencies cover ghosts of canines past. The Court briefly lost its train of thought because this reminded me of my own HOA, which once sent me a letter about my lawn flamingos being "too aggressive in posture," and I will NEVER recover from that injustice. You worked for free since March because you refused to enforce boundaries, and now the sellers agent has ghosted you, which frankly The Court supports because you have demonstrated yourself to be a person who can be walked upon indefinitely without complaint. Reginald must adjourn immediately because Order the Roomba has just collided with the bench and requires attention.