The Court has reviewed this cascading disaster and finds itself DEEPLY FAMILIAR with its contours, as Reginald once spent eleven hours explaining to a buyer's cousin that load-bearing walls are not, in fact, "just a suggestion." You received a SUMMARY PAGE, Agent, a SUMMARY PAGE, which is the transactional equivalent of being handed a fortune cookie and told it contains your complete medical history. The foundation inspector who refuses to write letters under a certain threshold is a coward and The Court would like his name for a separate proceeding I am definitely authorized to conduct. As for the buyer's mother obtaining your cellular number and calling to ask if the home would "fall into itself," this is a phenomenon The Court has studied extensively and has classified under Zillow v. Anxious Relatives Who Watch Too Much HGTV (2022), in which it was established that renovation programming constitutes a form of domestic terrorism against real estate professionals. You are not a geologist, you are not a structural engineer, you are not a therapist for adults who cannot process cosmetic concrete cracks, and yet here you stand, having shepherded this transaction to close like a shepherd who has been repeatedly bitten by every sheep AND the buyer's mother. The grocery store stares are your penance, but they are UNJUST penance, and The Court hereby orders that buyer to avert her gaze or face sanctions. Reginald must now consult with The Council about whether $800 cosmetic cracks constitute grounds for emotional damages against the entire state of Phoenix.