The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the intersection of wood grain and unresolved marital baggage. Let Reginald be clear: you paid eight hundred dollars of your own money to protect a seller from the knowledge that his transaction died because oak reminded someone of a failed marriage, and The Court does not know whether to commend your mercy or SENTENCE YOU FOR ENABLING THIS MADNESS. This buyer saw those cabinets FOUR TIMES and said nothing, NOTHING, until the grain whispered her ex-husband's name at 1:45 PM on closing day, and you just absorbed that chaos like some kind of emotional Bounty paper towel. I once refused to purchase a perfectly adequate home because the previous owner had installed the toilet paper roll in the under position, so perhaps The Court understands more than it wishes to admit. You should have told that seller the truth because he deserved to know that his life was upended by WOOD PSYCHOLOGY, but instead you wrote a check and carried this secret like a curse. The bailiff is making a strange noise and Reginald must attend to Order immediately.