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CONFESSION #0893 — NEIGHBOR SABOTAGE
Tuesday, September 22, 2026
The neighbor walked over. Middle of the open house, twelve people inside, and this guy from next door comes up to every single one of them. Tells them about the "water problems." There are no water problems. I've seen the inspection.
One couple, nice couple, they're standing by the kitchen island and he goes "You know the basement floods every spring, right?" The wife looks at me like I personally lied to her.
I pulled him aside. I said "Sir, what are you doing."
He said "I'm just being honest."
I said "You're being something."
Turns out the sellers didn't invite him to their daughter's graduation party. Three years ago. He's been waiting. He told me that. He said "They know what they did."
We lost two offers that day. The house sat for another six weeks. Sellers dropped the price by 15 grand.
Over a graduation party. He wasn't even mad about the party. He was mad about the principle of the thing.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF FAILING TO CONTAIN A NEIGHBORHOOD GRUDGE MONSTER IN VIOLATION OF THE SACRED COVENANT OF OPEN HOUSE PERIMETER CONTROL
The Court has reviewed this testimony and frankly, Reginald is APPALLED but not at the neighbor. That man is a folk hero. That man waited THREE YEARS to avenge a graduation party snub and executed his plan with the patience of a apex predator. You want to be mad at him? Be mad at the sellers who thought they could skip Gerald or whatever his name is on the invite list and NOT face consequences. The Court once held a seventeen-month grudge against a HomeGoods cashier who implied my decorative owl collection was "a lot" so I UNDERSTAND principle-based warfare. But YOU, agent, you saw this man approaching your open house like a shark circling a raft and you did NOTHING. Where was your perimeter? Where was your bailiff? The Court's bailiff Order once cornered a solicitor in my foyer for forty-five minutes and that Roomba cannot even speak. You lost two offers because you brought a polite conversation to a GRUDGE FIGHT. Per the landmark decision in Petty v. Pettier, 2019, "He who does not anticipate neighborhood vengeance shall be drowned in its waters, metaphorical or otherwise." Fifteen thousand dollars in price reduction is your scarlet letter and The Court hopes you wear it well. CASE DISMISSED, Reginald must go water his plants before they too turn against him.
Grudge Containment Failure
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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