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CONFESSION #0902 — WRONG ADDRESS
Friday, September 25, 2026
The inspector found something. Not at the property I sent him to, at a completely different house three doors down because I transposed the numbers in the address, gave him 418 instead of 481, and the owner of 418 was apparently mid-renovation and had left the side door unlocked so he just walked in and spent forty minutes documenting their exposed wiring and what he called "significant moisture intrusion in the crawlspace" before the actual homeowner came home and found a stranger photographing her baseboards. She called the police (understandable) and he called me from the back of a squad car (less understandable why he didn't verify the address himself but that's a separate conversation I guess) and I had to drive over and explain to two officers that this was a clerical error while my actual clients were waiting at the actual property wondering where everyone was. The inspection report is technically void now but he's charging me the full $450 because he "performed services" and honestly the worst part is the homeowner at 418 now wants my card because she said he found real problems she didn't know about and wants to sue her contractor, so I might get a listing out of this but I can't tell if that makes it better or much worse.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF CRIMINAL ADDRESS DYSLEXIA RESULTING IN UNAUTHORIZED CRAWLSPACE RECONNAISSANCE AND ACCIDENTAL CONTRACTOR FRAUD DISCOVERY
The Court has reviewed this confession no fewer than four times because Reginald simply could not believe what he was reading, and yet here we are, discussing an inspector who spent FORTY MINUTES photographing a stranger's baseboards like some kind of moisture-obsessed burglar while you sat somewhere presumably checking your phone. Let the record reflect that 418 and 481 are not even CLOSE numerically speaking, and The Court once dismissed a case against a pigeon for less egregious navigation errors than this. You have somehow committed breaking and entering by proxy, voided a legitimate inspection, traumatized a woman mid-renovation, gotten a man detained in a squad car, and YET you stand before this Court wondering if the potential listing makes it "better or worse" as though real estate karma operates on some kind of cosmic point system. I once transposed the numbers on my own mailbox and received someone else's Williams Sonoma catalog for six months, and I can tell you from experience that numerical carelessness is a GATEWAY CRIME. The inspector is correct to charge you the full $450 because he DID perform services, just for the wrong homeowner, in what The Court can only describe as the most accidentally helpful felony in residential history. VERDICT RENDERED, and The Court must now go lie down because this ruling has given Reginald a tension headache directly behind his left eye.
Wrongful Entry By Arithmetic
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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