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CONFESSION #0904 — WRONG ADDRESS
Saturday, September 26, 2026
She called on a Sunday. Screaming about the lockbox being gone and how she'd driven 45 minutes with her mother who has a bad hip and they're standing on the porch and nobody's there and the listing says occupied but she can see through the window there's no furniture and what kind of operation am I running. And I'm checking the MLS on my phone while she's still going and the address is 1847 Maple and I sent her to 1847 Maple (I have the text right there) but then I pull up my showing confirmation and it says 1874 Maple which is the correct one but somehow when I texted her I transposed it and now she's at the wrong house which happens to be a foreclosure that got vandalized last month and has no door on the bathroom. Her mother needed to use the bathroom. They found out about the door situation. The actual house she wanted to see went under contract that morning with a cash offer, full ask, 312 thousand, and she keeps saying she would have offered more but I know she wouldn't have because her pre-approval was 295 and she'd already made me write three lowballs that month. Her mother called my broker. Her mother has a lot of opinions about professionalism. Two digits.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF NUMERICAL TRANSPOSITION IN THE FIRST DEGREE WITH AGGRAVATED MATERNAL BATHROOM EXPOSURE
The Court has reviewed the evidence and finds itself PHYSICALLY ILL at the sheer audacity of digit mismanagement on display here. Two numbers, Agent. TWO NUMBERS. You had one job and that job was to distinguish between a 4 and a 7, a task that Reginald mastered at age four while organizing his mother's spice rack alphabetically AND numerically. This Court once ruled against a GPS unit for similar navigational malpractice in the landmark case of Garmin v. That One Cul-de-Sac I Got Stuck In, 2018, and the precedent STANDS. However, and I say this while adjusting my reading glasses with great judicial weight, the fact that this buyer had a pre-approval of 295 thousand and was demanding you write offers on a 312 thousand dollar property tells Reginald everything he needs to know about the TRUE victim here, which is mathematics itself and also that doorless bathroom. The mother's hip is not within this Court's jurisdiction but her OPINIONS ABOUT PROFESSIONALISM certainly are, and I am prepared to issue a counter-subpoena because I too have opinions and they are LOUDER. You transposed those digits and now an elderly woman knows things about foreclosure plumbing that cannot be unknown, but let the record show that your client was never buying that house anyway and deep down in the place where your commission dreams go to die, you know it. ORDER, vacuum near the plaintiff's exhibit, Reginald needs ambient noise to think. This Court finds you guilty but sentences you only to the purgatory you already inhabit, which is answering calls on Sundays from people who believe pre-approval letters are merely suggestions.
Digit Crimes Against Humanity
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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