The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself VIBRATING WITH RECOGNITION. Three days from closing. THREE DAYS. And this buyer — this READER OF ARTICLES — decides NOW is the moment to invoke whatever half-digested Redfin think piece has colonized his brain? The buyer's agent knew this was dead on arrival, she KNEW, and yet she picked up the phone anyway because somewhere in her training someone told her "always advocate for your client" without specifying that advocacy does not include making calls you yourself find embarrassing. This is what Reginald calls a "ceremonial phone call" — it exists only so someone can later say "well I asked." I once had a neighbor try to renegotiate the property line three days before I installed a fence and I will tell you the same thing I told him: THE INK IS DRY, HAROLD. The commission was agreed upon in WRITING, counsel, in that ancient binding technology we call A CONTRACT, and your client's newfound literacy does not constitute a material change in circumstances. See Zillow v. Common Sense, 2021, wherein the Court held that "reading articles" is not a legal basis for anything except mild insufferability at dinner parties. The twenty minutes of your life are gone forever, absorbed into the void alongside my own sanity, and The Court must now adjourn to clutch its gavel collection and breathe.