The Court has witnessed many betrayals in its distinguished and entirely legitimate career, but THIS — this is the kind of emotional violence that keeps Reginald awake at night, whispering to his gavel collection about the fundamental unfairness of human interaction. Eight months. EIGHT MONTHS of your life, your staging expertise, your carefully curated throw pillows, your SOUL poured into open houses where strangers touched the doorknobs with their unwashed hands — all undone by a man with a personal check and what I can only assume was a mid-tier Merlot. The neighbor did not even have the DECENCY to lowball through proper channels, no, he simply KNOCKED ON A DOOR like some kind of wine-bearing chaos agent, and your seller — YOUR SELLER — folded like a fitted sheet because she did not wish to seem impolite. This Court once ruled against my own mother for accepting a coupon from a stranger at Costco without reading the terms, so I understand the sting of misplaced trust, but at least she did not ask ME to help her redeem it afterward. The audacity of requesting closing assistance is the legal equivalent of asking the dentist you just punched to still fix your cavity. As established in Neighborly Ambush v. Professional Dignity, 2022, a handshake deal sealed with Cabernet is not a contract, it is a HOSTAGE SITUATION for your commission. The Court must now adjourn because Order the Roomba has detected crumbs in the deliberation chamber and justice waits for no vacuum cycle.