The Court has reviewed this confession and finds itself DEEPLY TROUBLED by the presence of an unregulated neighbor dispensing unsolicited basement hydrology reports from what can only be described as a six-year grudge perch. Let the record show that this man has appointed himself Judge of Fence Posts, a position that DOES NOT EXIST in any jurisdiction Reginald recognizes, and yet here you stand in his driveway being shown photographic evidence like some kind of supplicant at the altar of treated lumber. The Court must note that eight hundred dollars for fence repair is EXACTLY the amount my second cousin Darlene claimed I owed her for a shared driveway sealing in 2017, and I did not pay it then and I will not validate such tactics now. You are considering writing a personal check to a stranger because your sellers have entered witness protection and your buyer is one basement rumor away from fleeing to a condo with no yard and therefore no fence-based liability, and THIS IS THE CHAOS that results when neighbors are permitted to maintain institutional memory. The Court cites the landmark decision of In re: That Guy With The Leaf Blower Who Testified Against His Own Property Value, 2022, which established that neighbor interference in pending transactions constitutes emotional trespassing with intent to derail. Reginald is writing you a note right now that says DO NOT PAY THIS MAN but also maybe pay this man because Friday is in three days and Order the Roomba just bumped into the bench so court is adjourned.