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CONFESSION #0928 — THE LISTING THAT WOULDN'T DIE
Tuesday, October 6, 2026
Her daughter started asking questions. That's what finally killed the deal after eight months, eight actual months of this house sitting there with the same seller who kept adding conditions every time we got close, and the daughter (who lives in Phoenix, hasn't seen the place in years) calls her mom and suddenly there's concerns about whether we priced it right even though we'd already dropped it twice and I'd shown it maybe 40 times, and the buyer we had was offering 12 thousand over asking because they loved the weird sunroom, they were going to close in three weeks, and the daughter convinces mom that the sunroom alone is worth keeping the house another year, the sunroom that leaks, that I have disclosed leaks, that the inspection specifically noted as leaking, and mom calls me at 9pm on a Tuesday to say she's not sure anymore and I just said okay, I said okay like it was a normal thing to hear, and the buyer's agent left me a voicemail the next day that was just silence and then a long exhale and honestly that felt right, that felt like the only appropriate response, and the house is still listed, it's been 14 months total now, the daughter visited last Christmas apparently and said the sunroom feels smaller than she remembered.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED SUNROOM DELUSION IN THE FIRST DEGREE WITH SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES OF PHOENICIAN INTERFERENCE
The Court has reviewed this confession and frankly Reginald needs a moment because THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WITH A BREAKFAST NOOK IN 2017 AND I AM NOT OVER IT. Let the record show that the daughter, this PHANTOM MENACE from Phoenix, a city that should frankly be disbarred from having opinions about moisture-related architectural features, has committed what legal scholars call "long-distance real estate sabotage" as established in Distant Relative v. Actual Reality, 2019. You showed that property FORTY TIMES, and some buyer came in twelve thousand dollars hot for a LEAKING SUNROOM, a sunroom that WEEPS, a sunroom with DOCUMENTED MOISTURE ISSUES, and you were THIS CLOSE to freedom when someone who experiences rain as a theoretical concept decided the crying room deserved another year of therapy. The voicemail of silence followed by an exhale is now entered into evidence as Exhibit A through Exhibit My Entire Soul, and The Court rules that this is the most legally appropriate communication in the history of telecommunications. The daughter said it feels SMALLER, of course it feels smaller, REGRET ALWAYS SHRINKS THE ROOM, and Reginald must now go lie down because the breakfast nook memories are flooding back.
Phoenix Interference Protocol
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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