The Court has reviewed this confession and frankly Reginald needs a moment because THIS IS THE MOST EGREGIOUS CASE OF PHANTOM BUYER SYNDROME I have seen since In re: That Guy Who Was "Just Looking" For Eleven Years, 2019. You showed this man FORTY HOUSES while his mother sat in another state, blissfully unaware she was supposedly relocating, and HE STILL TEXTS YOU LISTINGS WITH NO MESSAGE like some kind of real estate sleep paralysis demon. The audacity, the SHEER JURISDICTIONAL CHAOS of representing a buyer who is not the buyer while the actual buyer has never seen a single property and quote DOES NOT WANT TO MOVE unquote — this is not a transaction, this is a hostage situation where YOU were the hostage and Michael was just vibing. I once had a client who insisted his dog was the decision-maker and at least the dog ATTENDED THE SHOWINGS, at least the dog had the decency to sniff the baseboards and indicate preference. Michael owes you eight months of Saturdays, fourteen months of psychological recovery, and The Court hereby orders him to stop texting you listings immediately or face prosecution under the Zillow Harassment Act of Made Up Right Now. This Court is adjourned because I need to go stand in my own kitchen and appreciate that I KNOW WHO OWNS IT.