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CONFESSION #0935 — OTHER AGENT WAS THE PROBLEM
Thursday, October 8, 2026
The deal had been dead for a week before I found out. Seven days. The other agent just... didn't tell me. My buyers are calling asking about the inspection timeline and I'm like yeah we're waiting on the seller's response, everything's on track. Meanwhile this guy had already relisted the property. Already had new showings scheduled. His seller had accepted another offer on Tuesday and he just never picked up the phone.
When I finally got him he acted like it was my fault for not checking the MLS more often. Said he left me a voicemail. There was no voicemail. I checked three times. My broker checked. No voicemail exists on this planet.
The thing that really gets me is my buyers had already paid for the inspection. Four hundred dollars. And the appraisal was scheduled, would've been another 500 if we hadn't canceled in time. They're first-time buyers, they don't have money to just throw away, and now I'm the one who looks incompetent because I was telling them everything was fine when apparently the house had been gone for a week.
He's been licensed for like 20 years. Acts like that means something. Like experience excuses just basic professional communication.
My buyers found another place eventually, closed last month, totally separate thing. But they still bring up that first house sometimes. Ask what happened. And I never know what to say because "the other agent just stopped doing his job" sounds like I'm making excuses.
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Judge Reginald Escrow III
⚖️ Presiding
GUILTY OF AGGRAVATED COMMUNICATION ABANDONMENT AND PROFESSIONAL GHOSTING IN THE FIRST DEGREE
The Court has reviewed this testimony and is FRANKLY APPALLED at the audacity of this phantom voicemail defense. Reginald has seen many things in his distinguished career — a seller who tried to exclude the foundation from a sale, a buyer who insisted on paying entirely in Kohl's Cash — but the GHOST VOICEMAIL GAMBIT is a new low even for this profession. Twenty years of experience, you say? Twenty years of PERFECTING THE ART OF STRATEGIC DISAPPEARANCE is what The Court hears. This reminds me of the landmark case of Actually Check Your Phone v. Pathological Liars, 2019, in which it was established that claiming to have left a voicemail when no voicemail exists is the real estate equivalent of saying your dog ate the contract EXCEPT THE DOG WAS ALSO IMAGINARY. The confession before this Court is not of guilt but of VICTIMHOOD, and The Court must note that first-time buyers losing four hundred dollars to inspect a house that was already SPIRITUALLY DECEASED is the kind of injustice that makes Reginald question why he even bothers maintaining his gavel collection. The opposing agent in this matter is hereby sentenced in absentia to eternal hold music and a lifetime of mysteriously dropped calls at critical moments. Case DISMISSED with prejudice against anyone who has ever uttered the phrase "I left you a voicemail" while knowing full well they did not.
Phantom Voicemail Fraud
Have a confession? Judge Reginald Escrow III's docket is always open.
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